When all of the principles you apply to yours are Christian principles, and you have a great marriage, but you watch theirs suffering?How do you counsel someone who isn't a Christian in their marriage, when they ask you for advice?
It is not necessary to use Christian terms to counsel people who are going through marital troubles. They may have come to you because they know you are going to encourage them to work things out rather than run. Stick to the positive and encourage them to seek out a counsellor they are comfortable with. Do not try to be a counsellor to them, but instead direct them toward one who will encourage them to work on their problems. It is better for you to remain a friend who can be a shoulder to lean on, it can become messy and troublesome for you if you take on the role of counsellor as well. A professional is better equipped to take on a neutral role, as opposed to a friend who is more apt to take sides, no matter how well intentioned you may be.
If they ask for your opinion on certain matters, give your honest opinion, but leave the gospel message out of it. Your life should be enough representation of the gospel for them. When they ask about your faith, use that opportunity to share it. You would be amazed at how easily the two go hand in hand, but you can't force them to one direction when all they are seeking is help.
And lastly, be the link between them and the cross and pray for them daily. Prayer is the key to solidifying and maintaining relationships, and don't be afraid to at least tell them that you are praying for them. when they begin to see the work of God in their lives because of your prayers, they will be more willing to seek God for their own lives.
YOu and I all know what God's take is on marriage, but that is an attitude we have embraced through a relationship with Christ. Pushing God's ordinances on a person who is struggling will only serve to further alienate them. Love them (afterall that is the thread that ties the entire Bible together) and lead them toward the love they once had and do still have for each other.
Good luck and I pray that your friends find happiness with each other once more.How do you counsel someone who isn't a Christian in their marriage, when they ask you for advice?
being a christian you have the gift to help any one no matter what religion they are. just tell them the basic things that are keeping your marriage healthy. remember us christians are still human we have good times and bad times. also if you had any problems in the past and over came them use those as a way to help the couple your trying to help God bless.
Don't assume the reason they have problems is because they aren't Christian...plenty of Christians have marital problems....your an idiot. Please don't offer any advice to anyone because I don't think you are all there.
This is one of the common divisions that comes with marrying an unbeliever. Thats what God warned us about not doing.
But since the deed is done, and you love your husband, and you have compassion, then you should offer yourself as the best support possible to his needs. Comfort him, and tell him that this will pass. Tell him that you are here for a shoulder to lean on and cry on. Tell him that you love him, and that if he needs your help in any way, you are there to help him through his hard times.
Hey,
Its nice to consider such a thing which shows that u care for others too.
The best way to give an advise is to show them how happy u r by applying what u learn and act as a Christian. Then u can advise them and tell them that u care for them and give them some hints that they could apply.
The best gift u could ever give to someone is to offer a real life %26amp; genuine example of yours that others can apply.
Good luck鈥?amp; Have a great day
I am an atheist, and have made quite a good living as a marriage counselor. I submit you probably don't apply only christian principles to your own marriage. You probably apply good, sound principles to your marriage. In the christian faith, a lot of the ideals are based on the same principles. You just learned them by being a christian. There are other ways to learn them.
I have often said, though I am not a christian, the bible has some pretty good ideas about how to be a really good person.
The best advice you could possibly give is to tell them to take their problems to a trained and certified marriage counselor. A pastor is NOT a good person to turn to - they rarely have the needed training and all too often offer exactly the WRONG advice. There's a reason more divorces happen between Christian couples!
we are all Christians under the eyes of God
and some people ask for advice as a friend and religion has nothing to do with it
There are allot of ways to spread to word of God to people who have neither heard it or don't believe.
I would use the words of god to answer there questions,maybe the way God might have.
If there are any story's from the bible that apply to the situation ,change the names around to modernize the story.What ends up happening is they just heard the words of god and you've helped them without pushing God onto them .
First off, I am a traditional Catholic. That means Latin Mass and the whole nine yards.
That being said, even NON Christians who LIVE in the way (or try their best) to live in a manner which is pleasing to God have just as much chance at making it to heaven as I do.
Even Non-Christians have good and bad marriages.
You counsel these people not by Christian beliefs, but by human decencies and understanding- ALL people, Christians, Muslims, Atheists, etc....have the SAME human needs and feelings.
Give advice based on whatever your morals/experiences are. To me ';Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'; is what it all boils down to when you're trying to make any relationship work, romantic or otherwise...and while this is a ';Christian'; moral, it has also been expressed in many other religions and cultures.
If your friend respects you, they should respect that you're trying to give them your best advice. Of course if it goes against their own moral or religious beliefs, they are free to ignore you and go their own way, to their advantage or peril.
you are funny.
Did they ask for advice?
Christian principles such as what? Treat each other with respect? Do not commit infidelity?
And you think those principles don't apply to non-Christians? Pull your head out of the sand. Christians have as much dysfunction in their marriages as any other group. How about applying the greatest Christian principles of all, which is to love unconditionally, practice grace, etc. A person's religious denomination should not dictate whether or not you give them good advice.
Be yourself....and take some boldness.....if she/he really wants the truth then they will come back for more.....
There are principles that anyone can follow and you can pass them on without saying that they are Christian.
Being respectful to each other
Listen to each other
Treat him the way you want him to treat you
not that hard...
When I find myself in a similar situation, I usually begin by explaining that there are very few things in life that I don't see in terms of my spiritual life and my walk with God. I share with them how my faith in Jesus Christ has helped me to deal with struggles like the ones that they are facing. I then share with them the principles by which I live. I tell them that they don't have to be a Christian to live by these Christian principles so that they don't think I'm just trying to convert them or something.
If they ask for advice, you can give them advice based on your Christian principles without saying they come from your Christian religion.
She has asked you for advice because she has seen how good your marriage is. You can feel free to tell her that part of your marriage being so good is because both of you are Christian, believe in God and count on him to add purpose to your lives.
Like all good advice, it is up to the person to decide whether the advice helps them or not.
Good Luck
It's good that you want to help someone in a bad situation and that this person trusts you enough to come to you for advice.
Listen to what they have to say first. Now is not the time to try to convert someone to your beliefs. Since they've asked you, it's OK to tell them what is working for you as a couple, be that through your faith or through communication, or whatever it is that works. Your faith is your foundation, but I'm sure there are other aspects as well.
There may be more issues than just not being Christian. It's great that your faith is so strong and holds your marriage up. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same beliefs. We may not agree with that, but we do have to respect that.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
We are going to marriage counseling and don't know what to expect, any advice or information to prepare us?
We have been married for 3 years and friends for over 7. We just don't seem to enjoy being together anymore. And want to try and get help before we are no longer able to even have a friendship. We thought some counseling would be the way to exhaust all options befor just divorcing but don't know what to expect. any advice would be helpfulWe are going to marriage counseling and don't know what to expect, any advice or information to prepare us?
Ask the counselor how many times he or she has been divorced and how many relations they have been through.We are going to marriage counseling and don't know what to expect, any advice or information to prepare us?
just tell the truth.. it helps both of you.. and good luck.. and argee to kiss after befor you go.. that help to dont forget to hug each other befor and after... please good luck. again..
Counselling will be a waste of your time unless you are totally honest. There will be things said in counselling that may hurt and things you may not wish to hear. But, if you both don't lay it all out, there is no point to it. When you leave the session ,you have to leave it behind and not start pointing fingers or arguing over what was said. First of all both of you need to decide if you want to keep the marriage together, if not, don't waste your time and money on counselling. If you decide just to remain friends there is no point to counselling and hearing hurtful things that will separate you as friends.
be open and honest and dont hold anything back
My advice is, each of you should get your own separate counseling before doing any joint counseling. You may not even realize certain things about yourself--wants, needs, expectations--and you'll need to know those things before going into joint counseling, which can be brutal. Fix and/or examine yourself, then you can work on the relationship.
And if you do that, DO NOT use the same counselor for joint counseling as either of you used individually. Been there, done that, got the divorce.
Be honest with the counselor and be open with your mate. That is the best advice I can give you...
My ex and I did the counseling thing...But he was not honest with me or the counselor...He was cheating the whole time but claimed in counseling that I was the one that seemed removed from the relationship....
A good counselor is going to get all the issues out on the table and examine their validity or lack thereof and form that discover what the real issue is and if the relationship can be saved and whether or not you both want it to be saved.
Don't waste time blaming, it doesn't matter whose fault anything is.
Don't agree to a counselors plan if you're serious about going through with it
Good luck to you both and remember it may take two or three counselors before you find a good fit.
Jen the third party person that will act as your counselor will probably want you and your mate to do most of the talking. It is very important that you are both 100% honest when there and not be afraid to say exactly what you want/need to say to the other. But just as important is to leave what is said there and not bring it home with you to use for fighting or a weapon against the other. Be mature and open minded during this time and hopefully you will salvage your marriage and learn to appreciate and love one and other anew. Best of luck to you both.
Well, the biggest lesson I learned was that old saying ';you can take a horse to the fountain but you can't go make them drink';! So remember why your going in the first place, to save your marriage. Go with an open mind and also accept the hard facts! Denial, or anger at the counselor usually only henders your process. Then, once you accept the facts, be willing to do the work. Be willing to change the things that need to be fixed. Otherwise, save your money for the divorce!
Good Luck!
My husband and I are doing the same. Like everyone has said, be honest, but go at it slowly. We didn't speak a word to each other for a while because I was so glad to be there, I blurted out 10 years in one hour. Tell the therapist that you want to work on one issue at at time, the ones that are most important to you and your spouse.
Just be open and honest. You've got nothing to lose. My own experience with counseling was terrible. My wife had her mind made up before we went, and nothing that I or the counselor would say could reach her. Still, had we not gone, I would have always wondered if it would have helped or not. Pior to that, very, very, occasionally I would wonder whether or not my wife was a *****. The meeting at the counselor's confirmed that she was.beauty products revlon india
Ask the counselor how many times he or she has been divorced and how many relations they have been through.We are going to marriage counseling and don't know what to expect, any advice or information to prepare us?
just tell the truth.. it helps both of you.. and good luck.. and argee to kiss after befor you go.. that help to dont forget to hug each other befor and after... please good luck. again..
Counselling will be a waste of your time unless you are totally honest. There will be things said in counselling that may hurt and things you may not wish to hear. But, if you both don't lay it all out, there is no point to it. When you leave the session ,you have to leave it behind and not start pointing fingers or arguing over what was said. First of all both of you need to decide if you want to keep the marriage together, if not, don't waste your time and money on counselling. If you decide just to remain friends there is no point to counselling and hearing hurtful things that will separate you as friends.
be open and honest and dont hold anything back
My advice is, each of you should get your own separate counseling before doing any joint counseling. You may not even realize certain things about yourself--wants, needs, expectations--and you'll need to know those things before going into joint counseling, which can be brutal. Fix and/or examine yourself, then you can work on the relationship.
And if you do that, DO NOT use the same counselor for joint counseling as either of you used individually. Been there, done that, got the divorce.
Be honest with the counselor and be open with your mate. That is the best advice I can give you...
My ex and I did the counseling thing...But he was not honest with me or the counselor...He was cheating the whole time but claimed in counseling that I was the one that seemed removed from the relationship....
A good counselor is going to get all the issues out on the table and examine their validity or lack thereof and form that discover what the real issue is and if the relationship can be saved and whether or not you both want it to be saved.
Don't waste time blaming, it doesn't matter whose fault anything is.
Don't agree to a counselors plan if you're serious about going through with it
Good luck to you both and remember it may take two or three counselors before you find a good fit.
Jen the third party person that will act as your counselor will probably want you and your mate to do most of the talking. It is very important that you are both 100% honest when there and not be afraid to say exactly what you want/need to say to the other. But just as important is to leave what is said there and not bring it home with you to use for fighting or a weapon against the other. Be mature and open minded during this time and hopefully you will salvage your marriage and learn to appreciate and love one and other anew. Best of luck to you both.
Well, the biggest lesson I learned was that old saying ';you can take a horse to the fountain but you can't go make them drink';! So remember why your going in the first place, to save your marriage. Go with an open mind and also accept the hard facts! Denial, or anger at the counselor usually only henders your process. Then, once you accept the facts, be willing to do the work. Be willing to change the things that need to be fixed. Otherwise, save your money for the divorce!
Good Luck!
My husband and I are doing the same. Like everyone has said, be honest, but go at it slowly. We didn't speak a word to each other for a while because I was so glad to be there, I blurted out 10 years in one hour. Tell the therapist that you want to work on one issue at at time, the ones that are most important to you and your spouse.
Just be open and honest. You've got nothing to lose. My own experience with counseling was terrible. My wife had her mind made up before we went, and nothing that I or the counselor would say could reach her. Still, had we not gone, I would have always wondered if it would have helped or not. Pior to that, very, very, occasionally I would wonder whether or not my wife was a *****. The meeting at the counselor's confirmed that she was.
Counseling isn't helping - failing marriage, advice needed?
I have been married since Sept 08. Known my husband now for about 5 years. This is his first marriage and my 2nd. We tried counseling 2 years ago and he stopped going - we are trying again now. He is a very angry person inside and has trouble putting closure to anything - he still brings things up from the past even knowing this is a toxic relationship behavior - since the second round of counseling his behavior toward me has gotten worse - disrespectful, on edge, yelling and generally just doesn't want to talk. We are paying top $ for the counseling too. His family members have told me he has been unhappy a lot in life and others agree with me on the fact that he is treating me in a way you wouldn't treat a spouse. His validation for acting this way to me is that he is mad and fed up and couldn't be more unhappy and he blames all of this on me - he says he is happy every where else in his life (I don't believe this). So -would you still be hanging on or should I cut my loses?Counseling isn't helping - failing marriage, advice needed?
cut your losses he obviously isnt happy with you. Maybe you shouldnt have left your first husband ?Counseling isn't helping - failing marriage, advice needed?
Julie, I hate to say this but you need to cut your loses. I think he is a point where no matter what you do he not going to be happy. Happiness comes from within not outside of. Counseling works if both partners are doing what is instructed of them. Maybe when you are gone he will figure out that he has a problem.
It sounds like the two of you have tried everything. I would definitely cut my losses. You both deserve to be happy. It sounds like you were once happy but not him. I would just go through with the divorce and stop letting him make your life miserable. Good luck!
September of 08??? Hasn't even come yet. Anyway, you knew that you were marrying a 'mental case' before you got married, now you want to throw in the towel because things are not going the way you thought they would? There were several red flags obviously from what you're sharing and yet you still decided to marry him. I would tell him that you are not going to counseling with him, and he needs to go alone to address why he's so angry with the world. Maybe he's depressed, maybe he needs someone to blame that way he doesn' have to look at himself. I would tell him that he needs to get the stick out of his a** and get help alone because together it isn't working. Maybe he needs an ';in your face'; kinda counselor to get him to face his issues. Stop babying him. Best of luck.
Is counseling all you've tried??? You probably should see a different counselor, read books, marriage conferences, find eachother's love language, church...anything and everything you need to do to fix this marriage. Sounds like he should be getting some individual counseling also. This is your 2nd marriage, you don't want to fail on 2, do u? Both of you need to put your hearts into the and be adults. Find out what is really bothering him that he feels justified to take everything out on you. My husband and I have made it through an affair by doing these things, you can make it through this. Start dating eachother again and put eachother #1 in both of your lives. These things are not easy but are very important to do to save your marriage. You married for better or worse, you can work through the worse. Pick up your self esteem, keep your head high and have a positive attitude and maybe that will rub off on your hubby. Have fun with this and enjoy eachother.
Honey, if you have tried everything and everything has failed, then get a divorce.
simple as that!
In the end, everyone will be happy.
cut your loses!!!
If you've tried counseling (twice) and it is not working I believe you are wasting time/money! He is obviously having some issues if everyone is seeing this. If you are unhappy with the relationship maybe it's time to let go. Try talking to him with his family, if you think there is something more to him saying he is unhappy (maybe drugs, alcohol, etc.) Maybe the two of you need time space- a month or two to straighten out your thoughts and figure **** out. At the end, talk about it %26amp; if its divorce then it's divorce...it happens %26amp; sometimes it's the best thing for two people. Goodluck
No one really wants to end a marriage. Somewhere in the past you both cared and loved for one another. Right now it sounds like this is a one way relationship. It wont work that way. Both of you have to WANT to work things out. It appears that he isn't there with you. I waited 8 long years to divorce my first husband, went to counseling and also begged and pleaded for him to communicate with me. It didn't work. So one day I made my mind up and said to myself ';you do NOT deserve this';. Within 12 hours I was packed and left. I had 2 kids so it was NOT easy. But now 10 years later I am remarried and finally know what returned love is! And you deserve to know what that is. SO only you can make up your mind on when the time is right. But please don't waste precious time that you could be spending enjoying YOU and then moving forward to meeting your soul-mate! Good Luck
I'm sorry but, you can't fix him. He must do it himself. He sounds like he is abusive? I think you deserve much better, you have tried. I would move on, but be careful of him. Good Luck.
maybe his whole life has been terrible. if counseling isn't working for the two of you. then you need to go alone. they can teach you how to react towards him and what to say and what not to say to him. sounds like underlying issues are at hand. if you truly love him, stick with it.
I hate to say this but cut your losses.
I admire you for trying just for the fact that some would just get out without even trying to work things out.
If what you've said is true about the counseling and such, I think I will agree with you cutting your loses now. That's all because you said he's started blaming you already. It's really sad and painful to fail in big a part of one's life but at least you know leaving that you did give it your best.
If you still see some untried avenue to try and save the marriage go for it but never girl, never let him convince you that ';you'; are to be blame on something or ANYTHING wrong on his life. It was NEVER your fault.
God bless.
Stay true to your vows, no matter what. I'm not trying to be insensitive b/c he sounds like a jerk. Have you heard of ';The Love Dare?'; I say try that before you give up. Seriously. You're in my prayers! See the links below as well.
http://www.outreach.com/print/DetailPage鈥?/a>
I would make one more attempt. I'd try to have a rational, calm discussion with him about why his behavior isn't working for you. No accusations. No 'you' statements, like you are always yelling. Make them I statements- I am unhappy when you yell at me. Explain that you feel that it would be beneficial for both of you to undergo a standardized psychological evaluation (You could speak to your therapist and get him to make the suggestion for the testing if you think your husband would accept it better from him.), and you want you both to agree to follow up on the results in the manner that the psychologist recommends. Ask him what he wants to happen. Does he want a divorce, or does he want the marriage to work? If he refuses the testing, or takes it and then refuses to follow up on the results, then I would cut my losses. You haven't mentioned how you feel. Do you love this man? That is the only reason to even try to save the marriage. Examine your feelings carefully before you make any decisions.
well its sounds as if he has made an attempt to better himself for you maybe the problem isn't with you and him if his family says he's been angry all his life. ever thought of separate counseling there may be things he deals with he doesn't want to express in front of you maybe even u to. it will give you both a chance to get things of your chest maybe get ideas of how to resolve problems targeting your specific concerns.
I'd wouldn't stay with someone like that. I'd of divorced his *** a long time ago and placed all the blame on him.
if every thing fails time to cut him loose.
cut your losses he obviously isnt happy with you. Maybe you shouldnt have left your first husband ?Counseling isn't helping - failing marriage, advice needed?
Julie, I hate to say this but you need to cut your loses. I think he is a point where no matter what you do he not going to be happy. Happiness comes from within not outside of. Counseling works if both partners are doing what is instructed of them. Maybe when you are gone he will figure out that he has a problem.
It sounds like the two of you have tried everything. I would definitely cut my losses. You both deserve to be happy. It sounds like you were once happy but not him. I would just go through with the divorce and stop letting him make your life miserable. Good luck!
September of 08??? Hasn't even come yet. Anyway, you knew that you were marrying a 'mental case' before you got married, now you want to throw in the towel because things are not going the way you thought they would? There were several red flags obviously from what you're sharing and yet you still decided to marry him. I would tell him that you are not going to counseling with him, and he needs to go alone to address why he's so angry with the world. Maybe he's depressed, maybe he needs someone to blame that way he doesn' have to look at himself. I would tell him that he needs to get the stick out of his a** and get help alone because together it isn't working. Maybe he needs an ';in your face'; kinda counselor to get him to face his issues. Stop babying him. Best of luck.
Is counseling all you've tried??? You probably should see a different counselor, read books, marriage conferences, find eachother's love language, church...anything and everything you need to do to fix this marriage. Sounds like he should be getting some individual counseling also. This is your 2nd marriage, you don't want to fail on 2, do u? Both of you need to put your hearts into the and be adults. Find out what is really bothering him that he feels justified to take everything out on you. My husband and I have made it through an affair by doing these things, you can make it through this. Start dating eachother again and put eachother #1 in both of your lives. These things are not easy but are very important to do to save your marriage. You married for better or worse, you can work through the worse. Pick up your self esteem, keep your head high and have a positive attitude and maybe that will rub off on your hubby. Have fun with this and enjoy eachother.
Honey, if you have tried everything and everything has failed, then get a divorce.
simple as that!
In the end, everyone will be happy.
cut your loses!!!
If you've tried counseling (twice) and it is not working I believe you are wasting time/money! He is obviously having some issues if everyone is seeing this. If you are unhappy with the relationship maybe it's time to let go. Try talking to him with his family, if you think there is something more to him saying he is unhappy (maybe drugs, alcohol, etc.) Maybe the two of you need time space- a month or two to straighten out your thoughts and figure **** out. At the end, talk about it %26amp; if its divorce then it's divorce...it happens %26amp; sometimes it's the best thing for two people. Goodluck
No one really wants to end a marriage. Somewhere in the past you both cared and loved for one another. Right now it sounds like this is a one way relationship. It wont work that way. Both of you have to WANT to work things out. It appears that he isn't there with you. I waited 8 long years to divorce my first husband, went to counseling and also begged and pleaded for him to communicate with me. It didn't work. So one day I made my mind up and said to myself ';you do NOT deserve this';. Within 12 hours I was packed and left. I had 2 kids so it was NOT easy. But now 10 years later I am remarried and finally know what returned love is! And you deserve to know what that is. SO only you can make up your mind on when the time is right. But please don't waste precious time that you could be spending enjoying YOU and then moving forward to meeting your soul-mate! Good Luck
I'm sorry but, you can't fix him. He must do it himself. He sounds like he is abusive? I think you deserve much better, you have tried. I would move on, but be careful of him. Good Luck.
maybe his whole life has been terrible. if counseling isn't working for the two of you. then you need to go alone. they can teach you how to react towards him and what to say and what not to say to him. sounds like underlying issues are at hand. if you truly love him, stick with it.
I hate to say this but cut your losses.
I admire you for trying just for the fact that some would just get out without even trying to work things out.
If what you've said is true about the counseling and such, I think I will agree with you cutting your loses now. That's all because you said he's started blaming you already. It's really sad and painful to fail in big a part of one's life but at least you know leaving that you did give it your best.
If you still see some untried avenue to try and save the marriage go for it but never girl, never let him convince you that ';you'; are to be blame on something or ANYTHING wrong on his life. It was NEVER your fault.
God bless.
Stay true to your vows, no matter what. I'm not trying to be insensitive b/c he sounds like a jerk. Have you heard of ';The Love Dare?'; I say try that before you give up. Seriously. You're in my prayers! See the links below as well.
http://www.outreach.com/print/DetailPage鈥?/a>
I would make one more attempt. I'd try to have a rational, calm discussion with him about why his behavior isn't working for you. No accusations. No 'you' statements, like you are always yelling. Make them I statements- I am unhappy when you yell at me. Explain that you feel that it would be beneficial for both of you to undergo a standardized psychological evaluation (You could speak to your therapist and get him to make the suggestion for the testing if you think your husband would accept it better from him.), and you want you both to agree to follow up on the results in the manner that the psychologist recommends. Ask him what he wants to happen. Does he want a divorce, or does he want the marriage to work? If he refuses the testing, or takes it and then refuses to follow up on the results, then I would cut my losses. You haven't mentioned how you feel. Do you love this man? That is the only reason to even try to save the marriage. Examine your feelings carefully before you make any decisions.
well its sounds as if he has made an attempt to better himself for you maybe the problem isn't with you and him if his family says he's been angry all his life. ever thought of separate counseling there may be things he deals with he doesn't want to express in front of you maybe even u to. it will give you both a chance to get things of your chest maybe get ideas of how to resolve problems targeting your specific concerns.
I'd wouldn't stay with someone like that. I'd of divorced his *** a long time ago and placed all the blame on him.
if every thing fails time to cut him loose.
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
My husband %26amp; I got married in October (2007). We were only together for about a year prior the the wedding. Why we rushed...I dont know?! There was really no reason for us to. We just both thought we were ready and that there was no reason to wait.
Neither of us have any kids, therefore, no stress there...No cheating, non of theat...For some reason, we just dont seem to get along like we use to...like there is no *spark* left. (yea, I know...pretty sad for only be 21 and married not even 1 year). our sex life is pretty much non-exsistent.
We do NOT communitcate whatesoever,He will not express any emotion to me or try to fix big arguments/fights...he just expects them to go away and for me to forget.
Over the weekend, we had the biggest fight ever!
He threatened to kill himself because life with me is a living hell....i'm boring/no fun/too uptight.....and he even mentioned the ';D'; word...
Not only did he mention it, he flat out said he wanted it!
After I about died from an anxiety attack, he must have felt bad for me or something and said that he didnt mean what he said and to just drop the whole situation...act like it never happened...
SOOO, to shorten this up (sorry)...obviously, this is something that is just not going to ';go away';. And apparently this is something that he has been thinking about quite often. And with the look that he had in his eyes when he said that he wanted a divorce, I truly believe he meant every word. I could probably go on forever...but here is my
QUESTION
? : What do I do from here? I want things to work so badly and i will not initiate a divorce. Am I happy living like this? No...%26amp; Obviously he isn't either...I feel like I've tried everything in the book and things just arent getting any better. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to myself...like I'm just living in a house with a stranger.
With him refusing to any kind of counseling, what more can I do to rekindle the old flame and be in love again?
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
You have four options that I see right now.
One, tell him that either you go to marriage counseling together or you will file for divorce. This may backfire as he may actually want the divorce.
Two, go to counseling alone and see what the therapist recommends.
Three, file for divorce now.
Four, and personally, this is the route I would choose first: I know it's hard to feel it right now, but pretend it's a year ago, when you guys were loving and affectionate. Act towards him the way you did when things were good...hug him, talk to him, tell him he looks nice today, cook for him, whatever it is that you used to do. I know you may not feel like being affectionate with him right now, especially when he's acting like a jackash, but just try it.
By acting like you are in love, you may begin to feel that way, and it may make your husband feel that way too. It's worth a try. Give it a good week or so of doing this. If there is any improvement at all in that week, keep at it.
If there is zero improvement, choose another option.Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
Go by yourself. When a marriage is in trouble, and one spouse refuses marriage counseling, the spouse who is willing to try can go by herself/himself.
You go to counseling.
It is possible that when he sees what it does for you, he will want to go.
IF u want it to work just go for couseling en mm be nice may be it will help
You're too young to be this miserable! In my experience things will only go downhill from here. Basically you're out of the ';honeymoon'; phase that we all experience in the first year or so of a relationship. For a marriage to work there has to be much more than that initial lust and it sounds like you are missing that. Go to a counsellor to work through your feelings but things really shouldn't be this tough so early on...... Really consider the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you and deserve to be happy with someone who you truly love. I wasted too many years of my life trying to fix a marriage that was fundamentally flawed (we mistook lust for real love). Now I'm with my soulmate I can see that love just isn't meant to be hard all the time!!!!
Here are some techniques you can try at home.
In the evening time, clear out the living-room floor. Turn off the TV and turn on some soft music. Throw some pillows on the floor for comfort. Give him a note pad and you take one. Have him write down 10 reasons why he was attracted to you. Then, 10 reasons why he married you. Each of you swap pads and read the answers out loud. Then, have him write down what is bothering him that is causing the lack of communication. You do the same about you. Tell him to be honest and kind. You too. Then, swap the pads again and read the answers out loud to each other.
If he resist any of this, ask him to please humor you this time. Saving your marriage is worth this try.
Hey if you want to, this is my email, lillmama_brokenglass7@yahoo.com yahoo messenger..
sounds like your going throw the same thing i am, but i have kids.. so that is the only thing that is differnt.. am 22.. but I might be able to give you some advise.. good luck.. have a nice day..
I have known my husband for almost 10 years now, we were dating for 2 and married at 4 years of being friends/ couple. at about 4 years we had been living together for 2 years and went through some tough times with some simular incidents. Often people get tired of each other, often its just an phase. This is an point to find out if they are gonna last.
It really sounds like the honeymoon phase is over. If you both want it to last keep trying to work it out.
There are a lot of ways to work on things. Try talking to some family to get an idea on how to deal with things differently. There have been a few times that I have broken down and talked to my father and mother in law to help get an idea of why my husband acts the way he does. No matter how long you have been with someone there are always flaws and problems.
They always say and its soooo true. ';Marriage is hard work'; Often you have to give something up or change something that you enjoy or like to make things work. I am an stay at home mother and dont have any real friends that I didn't have from before my marriage with my husband. My husband seems to be an jerk but is always just skeptical of people in the world and dont want to allow anyone that could hurt me or our children.
Sorry this is long.
I just think that you will get through it as long as you both try, he may not seem to be trying. give it an chance and time. My husband and I took an year to get through it and shortly after we got married we were better, there is nothing like the honeymoon phase, but you can get an good happy life. Your sex life will go up and down all though your lives together. It will be hard and you will think its the end many times, but you are determined you can keep it together.
Good Luck.
If your husband won't accept any help and refuses to talk to you about the situation, there isn't much you can do. You are not going to get any younger. You can choose to waste your life with this guy or divorce him and get on with it.
Just because he said that doesn't mean he has been thinking it people say stuff when they are angry. We always feel the need to talk out things and problems (Women). While men feel it is over and done with once the argument is over. I don't think one approach is better than the other you just have to realize there is different approaches and work around it. While you are thinking so hard about the fact that the situation with him saying that is still a problem and he is debating it. More than likely he thinks you know he said it in the heat of the moment and that moment has past and all is better. Everyday is a new day focus on better now and things to come don't waste your time on dissecting a conversation or argument that can't be changed.
Just get a divorce already.
I mean all these people who hold up marriage like it's the beginning and end of all life force. You shouldn't have to sacrafice your happiness for another person. If it isn't working, it isn't working...get out.
I went to marriage conseling 4 times. Did not work for me! It just made me even more sad and depressed, because me and my wife are extremely mismatched and have absolutely nothing in common with each other-she is closed minded and I am open minded husband. She is a homebody and I am an outdoormans. So anyways, I have tried everything nothing worked. Sometimes marriage conseling does not work for everyone!
Please don't laugh! But the only thing that really worked was for me to get her to sleep with me tightly every single night in the same bedroom. I got this small bed mattress for us. And now we snuggle up tightly with each other, everything fell into place. I no longer have frustrations, stressed out, sad, depressions, or angriness -getting pissed off all the time. Its like calm after the thunderstorm. I cannot believe a little tiny bed mattress improved our marriage together. Also our 3 kick @$$ children are so damm cute and awesome.
as much as i hate to say this but he would not have said that if he did not mean it i have been married for 17 years and a lot of fights later my husband and i never said that and we still have a great sex life i do not think that at such an early stage in marriage you both should be having a relationship together if he is staying because of your attacks that is not fair to either of you and the relationship will probably get worse you need counselling and do not drag him he has to want to go for it to work i wish you luck my opinion only
This happens to millions of married couples all over the world.
I'm a Disabled Veteran and served in the USAF. My income is $3,200.00 a month for the rest of my life.
I've been married 24 years and this is my first marriage ...it's her second.
She doesn't work and stays at home nagging me.
Our problem is similar to yours, but I my income is stable.
We have no sex life and misery loves company.
My income would make another marriage probably better or perhaps you would make my life better being with another woman that I can love and in that sense you have a better life as well.
The answers to your problem lay in your hands. Your decision to get married and live the American dream is one hell of a dream to accomplish if neither of you or your husband can sit down and work out your problems and stabilize your marriage.
Financially you both need money and without money you can't buy your house or buy a new car or even have the luxury of these things.
Then you have children and the problem financially escalates...it's no end.
Marriage is give and take and when your emotional concerns become imbalanced the misery flows down hill and everything in your path from your husband and viceversea is a living hell.
The result is loss of affection, loss of companionship, loss of sexual appetite and the list goes on. Your marriage becomes a living hell and then you come on yahoo answers and look for something or someone that has the right answer to solve your problems and it doesn't happen that way.
You are the divider of things to come and things past. You and you alone are the sole winner and you know what you are and what you want out of life...it's a matter of getting there with little complications and a bad marraige will definitely knock you down and prevent you from achieving your goals.
You work hard, but it's not enough, your marriage is still fragile.
Your husband trys, but he can't cope.
Both of you are in disagreement that will eventually lead to a perennial battle down the road and eventually end up in divorce.
If you're unsure of yourself right now in this marriage then bail out and save yourself before your tropical storm turns into a hurricane.
I wish you the very best of luck in your marriage. Win or lose...it's your call.
Hi,
To be honest, i dont see any serious issue. This is similar to a arranged marriage that happens in India. You both know just for a yar before marriage. What u both know abt each other as new lovers is diff from the reality u will see once u both live together. It takes bit of time to accept things and settle. Best way to come out of it is, just see what u need to do to mak him feel comfortable. when he is cool and easy, talk to him abt how he feels after marriage. tell him u will change urself to make things easy for him. trying to mak him feel that u will give up will make him think why he should not change a bit to accomodate u. Understand each others likes and dislikes and always respect his space around him. getting into each other too much also will mess up things.
when u say u hv arguments, remember that argumnt is possible only when u defend. Just accept what he says, it ends there.
relationship is abt gaining confidence with each other and accpt each other.
msg me in YM if u wish
my id is frndly20052010
Neither of us have any kids, therefore, no stress there...No cheating, non of theat...For some reason, we just dont seem to get along like we use to...like there is no *spark* left. (yea, I know...pretty sad for only be 21 and married not even 1 year). our sex life is pretty much non-exsistent.
We do NOT communitcate whatesoever,He will not express any emotion to me or try to fix big arguments/fights...he just expects them to go away and for me to forget.
Over the weekend, we had the biggest fight ever!
He threatened to kill himself because life with me is a living hell....i'm boring/no fun/too uptight.....and he even mentioned the ';D'; word...
Not only did he mention it, he flat out said he wanted it!
After I about died from an anxiety attack, he must have felt bad for me or something and said that he didnt mean what he said and to just drop the whole situation...act like it never happened...
SOOO, to shorten this up (sorry)...obviously, this is something that is just not going to ';go away';. And apparently this is something that he has been thinking about quite often. And with the look that he had in his eyes when he said that he wanted a divorce, I truly believe he meant every word. I could probably go on forever...but here is my
QUESTION
? : What do I do from here? I want things to work so badly and i will not initiate a divorce. Am I happy living like this? No...%26amp; Obviously he isn't either...I feel like I've tried everything in the book and things just arent getting any better. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to myself...like I'm just living in a house with a stranger.
With him refusing to any kind of counseling, what more can I do to rekindle the old flame and be in love again?
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
You have four options that I see right now.
One, tell him that either you go to marriage counseling together or you will file for divorce. This may backfire as he may actually want the divorce.
Two, go to counseling alone and see what the therapist recommends.
Three, file for divorce now.
Four, and personally, this is the route I would choose first: I know it's hard to feel it right now, but pretend it's a year ago, when you guys were loving and affectionate. Act towards him the way you did when things were good...hug him, talk to him, tell him he looks nice today, cook for him, whatever it is that you used to do. I know you may not feel like being affectionate with him right now, especially when he's acting like a jackash, but just try it.
By acting like you are in love, you may begin to feel that way, and it may make your husband feel that way too. It's worth a try. Give it a good week or so of doing this. If there is any improvement at all in that week, keep at it.
If there is zero improvement, choose another option.Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
Go by yourself. When a marriage is in trouble, and one spouse refuses marriage counseling, the spouse who is willing to try can go by herself/himself.
You go to counseling.
It is possible that when he sees what it does for you, he will want to go.
IF u want it to work just go for couseling en mm be nice may be it will help
You're too young to be this miserable! In my experience things will only go downhill from here. Basically you're out of the ';honeymoon'; phase that we all experience in the first year or so of a relationship. For a marriage to work there has to be much more than that initial lust and it sounds like you are missing that. Go to a counsellor to work through your feelings but things really shouldn't be this tough so early on...... Really consider the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you and deserve to be happy with someone who you truly love. I wasted too many years of my life trying to fix a marriage that was fundamentally flawed (we mistook lust for real love). Now I'm with my soulmate I can see that love just isn't meant to be hard all the time!!!!
Here are some techniques you can try at home.
In the evening time, clear out the living-room floor. Turn off the TV and turn on some soft music. Throw some pillows on the floor for comfort. Give him a note pad and you take one. Have him write down 10 reasons why he was attracted to you. Then, 10 reasons why he married you. Each of you swap pads and read the answers out loud. Then, have him write down what is bothering him that is causing the lack of communication. You do the same about you. Tell him to be honest and kind. You too. Then, swap the pads again and read the answers out loud to each other.
If he resist any of this, ask him to please humor you this time. Saving your marriage is worth this try.
Hey if you want to, this is my email, lillmama_brokenglass7@yahoo.com yahoo messenger..
sounds like your going throw the same thing i am, but i have kids.. so that is the only thing that is differnt.. am 22.. but I might be able to give you some advise.. good luck.. have a nice day..
I have known my husband for almost 10 years now, we were dating for 2 and married at 4 years of being friends/ couple. at about 4 years we had been living together for 2 years and went through some tough times with some simular incidents. Often people get tired of each other, often its just an phase. This is an point to find out if they are gonna last.
It really sounds like the honeymoon phase is over. If you both want it to last keep trying to work it out.
There are a lot of ways to work on things. Try talking to some family to get an idea on how to deal with things differently. There have been a few times that I have broken down and talked to my father and mother in law to help get an idea of why my husband acts the way he does. No matter how long you have been with someone there are always flaws and problems.
They always say and its soooo true. ';Marriage is hard work'; Often you have to give something up or change something that you enjoy or like to make things work. I am an stay at home mother and dont have any real friends that I didn't have from before my marriage with my husband. My husband seems to be an jerk but is always just skeptical of people in the world and dont want to allow anyone that could hurt me or our children.
Sorry this is long.
I just think that you will get through it as long as you both try, he may not seem to be trying. give it an chance and time. My husband and I took an year to get through it and shortly after we got married we were better, there is nothing like the honeymoon phase, but you can get an good happy life. Your sex life will go up and down all though your lives together. It will be hard and you will think its the end many times, but you are determined you can keep it together.
Good Luck.
If your husband won't accept any help and refuses to talk to you about the situation, there isn't much you can do. You are not going to get any younger. You can choose to waste your life with this guy or divorce him and get on with it.
Just because he said that doesn't mean he has been thinking it people say stuff when they are angry. We always feel the need to talk out things and problems (Women). While men feel it is over and done with once the argument is over. I don't think one approach is better than the other you just have to realize there is different approaches and work around it. While you are thinking so hard about the fact that the situation with him saying that is still a problem and he is debating it. More than likely he thinks you know he said it in the heat of the moment and that moment has past and all is better. Everyday is a new day focus on better now and things to come don't waste your time on dissecting a conversation or argument that can't be changed.
Just get a divorce already.
I mean all these people who hold up marriage like it's the beginning and end of all life force. You shouldn't have to sacrafice your happiness for another person. If it isn't working, it isn't working...get out.
I went to marriage conseling 4 times. Did not work for me! It just made me even more sad and depressed, because me and my wife are extremely mismatched and have absolutely nothing in common with each other-she is closed minded and I am open minded husband. She is a homebody and I am an outdoormans. So anyways, I have tried everything nothing worked. Sometimes marriage conseling does not work for everyone!
Please don't laugh! But the only thing that really worked was for me to get her to sleep with me tightly every single night in the same bedroom. I got this small bed mattress for us. And now we snuggle up tightly with each other, everything fell into place. I no longer have frustrations, stressed out, sad, depressions, or angriness -getting pissed off all the time. Its like calm after the thunderstorm. I cannot believe a little tiny bed mattress improved our marriage together. Also our 3 kick @$$ children are so damm cute and awesome.
as much as i hate to say this but he would not have said that if he did not mean it i have been married for 17 years and a lot of fights later my husband and i never said that and we still have a great sex life i do not think that at such an early stage in marriage you both should be having a relationship together if he is staying because of your attacks that is not fair to either of you and the relationship will probably get worse you need counselling and do not drag him he has to want to go for it to work i wish you luck my opinion only
This happens to millions of married couples all over the world.
I'm a Disabled Veteran and served in the USAF. My income is $3,200.00 a month for the rest of my life.
I've been married 24 years and this is my first marriage ...it's her second.
She doesn't work and stays at home nagging me.
Our problem is similar to yours, but I my income is stable.
We have no sex life and misery loves company.
My income would make another marriage probably better or perhaps you would make my life better being with another woman that I can love and in that sense you have a better life as well.
The answers to your problem lay in your hands. Your decision to get married and live the American dream is one hell of a dream to accomplish if neither of you or your husband can sit down and work out your problems and stabilize your marriage.
Financially you both need money and without money you can't buy your house or buy a new car or even have the luxury of these things.
Then you have children and the problem financially escalates...it's no end.
Marriage is give and take and when your emotional concerns become imbalanced the misery flows down hill and everything in your path from your husband and viceversea is a living hell.
The result is loss of affection, loss of companionship, loss of sexual appetite and the list goes on. Your marriage becomes a living hell and then you come on yahoo answers and look for something or someone that has the right answer to solve your problems and it doesn't happen that way.
You are the divider of things to come and things past. You and you alone are the sole winner and you know what you are and what you want out of life...it's a matter of getting there with little complications and a bad marraige will definitely knock you down and prevent you from achieving your goals.
You work hard, but it's not enough, your marriage is still fragile.
Your husband trys, but he can't cope.
Both of you are in disagreement that will eventually lead to a perennial battle down the road and eventually end up in divorce.
If you're unsure of yourself right now in this marriage then bail out and save yourself before your tropical storm turns into a hurricane.
I wish you the very best of luck in your marriage. Win or lose...it's your call.
Hi,
To be honest, i dont see any serious issue. This is similar to a arranged marriage that happens in India. You both know just for a yar before marriage. What u both know abt each other as new lovers is diff from the reality u will see once u both live together. It takes bit of time to accept things and settle. Best way to come out of it is, just see what u need to do to mak him feel comfortable. when he is cool and easy, talk to him abt how he feels after marriage. tell him u will change urself to make things easy for him. trying to mak him feel that u will give up will make him think why he should not change a bit to accomodate u. Understand each others likes and dislikes and always respect his space around him. getting into each other too much also will mess up things.
when u say u hv arguments, remember that argumnt is possible only when u defend. Just accept what he says, it ends there.
relationship is abt gaining confidence with each other and accpt each other.
msg me in YM if u wish
my id is frndly20052010
30 year marriage in jeopardy! need family counseling advice?
my father is a recovering alcoholic but may be back to his old habits again. who should i contact for possible rehab treatment along with family counseling / therapy? both my parents have health insurance. should i call them first? or the family doctor? my father is a reasonable man except when he drinks. our family has tried helping him throughout the years but we need Professioan Help. thanks in advance.30 year marriage in jeopardy! need family counseling advice?
Their health insurance may only cover certain kinds of counseling and if you need help in paying for counseling, I'd contact insurance first.30 year marriage in jeopardy! need family counseling advice?
The problem is he can only be helped if he accepts help. My father was an alcoholic for decades and never even acknowledged such an addiction/disease existed. It took a terrible toll on our family and shortened his life considerably. But the worst thing was there was nothing any of us could do or say to make him get help.
That's the hardest part. The other hardest part is getting them to want or be determined stay on a programme of help. Denial and lack of willpower are problems here.
The fatal one though, with all addicts, is the willingness to pay the price, to lose everything valuable in their lives. If that's happening, you have no bargaining power. They simply won't listen and will have to lose everything, slide deeper and perhaps never climb out.
If you dont have these three problems, then he has a good chance of managing the addiction on a good programme.
Contact your local AA group, they should be able to point you towards resources in your area.
Since your dad isn't asking the question, hon, little that would be said here would mean much.
He is the only one that can fix him. Ask him if he wants help? If not, have your mom boot his butt out and move on.
Tough love may be your only choice if you love him.
go to your local advice center or go through your doctor. or phone the AA they will help. if in UK look in the Thomson's directory and in the front it list helplines. good luck
Doctors won't talk to you because you are not the patient. They may or may not talk to the wife depending on how the privacy issue is interpreted.
But it sounds like your father's age should be getting up there so it is more than just drinking and the family issues. His liver will be in trouble soon and liver diseases are nasty.
You and your family members should look at whether it is about mental or physical abuse because of his alcoholism (a behavior) or a health threat and then decide on your next move. And kind of depends on how your father value his own life --- some people can be scared to change if their life is at stake.
Definitely go through your health insurance and seek advice as to the proper counseling program to enter. I wish you the best in trying to connect and keep your family together. You're taking the right steps in the right direction.
Their health insurance may only cover certain kinds of counseling and if you need help in paying for counseling, I'd contact insurance first.30 year marriage in jeopardy! need family counseling advice?
The problem is he can only be helped if he accepts help. My father was an alcoholic for decades and never even acknowledged such an addiction/disease existed. It took a terrible toll on our family and shortened his life considerably. But the worst thing was there was nothing any of us could do or say to make him get help.
That's the hardest part. The other hardest part is getting them to want or be determined stay on a programme of help. Denial and lack of willpower are problems here.
The fatal one though, with all addicts, is the willingness to pay the price, to lose everything valuable in their lives. If that's happening, you have no bargaining power. They simply won't listen and will have to lose everything, slide deeper and perhaps never climb out.
If you dont have these three problems, then he has a good chance of managing the addiction on a good programme.
Contact your local AA group, they should be able to point you towards resources in your area.
Since your dad isn't asking the question, hon, little that would be said here would mean much.
He is the only one that can fix him. Ask him if he wants help? If not, have your mom boot his butt out and move on.
Tough love may be your only choice if you love him.
go to your local advice center or go through your doctor. or phone the AA they will help. if in UK look in the Thomson's directory and in the front it list helplines. good luck
Doctors won't talk to you because you are not the patient. They may or may not talk to the wife depending on how the privacy issue is interpreted.
But it sounds like your father's age should be getting up there so it is more than just drinking and the family issues. His liver will be in trouble soon and liver diseases are nasty.
You and your family members should look at whether it is about mental or physical abuse because of his alcoholism (a behavior) or a health threat and then decide on your next move. And kind of depends on how your father value his own life --- some people can be scared to change if their life is at stake.
Definitely go through your health insurance and seek advice as to the proper counseling program to enter. I wish you the best in trying to connect and keep your family together. You're taking the right steps in the right direction.
Why are people getting dating advice and marriage counsel on yahoo answers?
Your friends know you and won't hurt your feelings, and sometimes they just don't understand. Strangers will give you their opinions w/o fear. Some are just hateful, in fact lots of them are, But a lot of them have really good advice and real incite that can actually help. You can never have to many opinions for something important.Why are people getting dating advice and marriage counsel on yahoo answers?
Sometimes it's just nice to ask a total stranger. Not knowing them personally, takes out some of the fear of judgment.Also, there are so many people on Y/a, many of whom have dated, and have stories to share and advice to give.
It's not fool proof, because it's only a ';peer opinion';, it's not professional counseling. However, being able to look at the general consensus, and see what the majority of the people said in reply, really helps one to make a difficult decision a bit easier, or to feel more at ease about the situation at hand.Why are people getting dating advice and marriage counsel on yahoo answers?
Because it's free and I guess they'll take what they can get...plus sometimes it's nice to hear from others who are going through something similar to what you're going through, especially if it's hard for you to talk to people in your real life. Here you can be anonymous!
cause you have just normal people who will tell you the truth
and they have most likely been through a situation like it and
have pretty good advice, definitely alot cheaper than a professional
because there are a million people that read yahoo answers. many of which haev dated and expierence life..
please answer mineshttp://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Because where else can you have total strangers who don't even know enough to care about you tell you the obvious without fear of social or political repercussions? Oh, and they get points for it too!
Cause sometimes others experiences and ideas help you to know what to to. Not always, but sometimes.
its just cool to talk to ppl bout problems everyone has them and to talk to them about it is good, but u cant always talk to ur friends about certain things
It's cheaper than professional help and you get more opinions.
being anonymous is nice...a lot more objective. Get lots of points of view.
I'm gonna have to go with Bella o0n this one.
cause they have no life lol jkjkjk
cause its free
Sometimes it's just nice to ask a total stranger. Not knowing them personally, takes out some of the fear of judgment.Also, there are so many people on Y/a, many of whom have dated, and have stories to share and advice to give.
It's not fool proof, because it's only a ';peer opinion';, it's not professional counseling. However, being able to look at the general consensus, and see what the majority of the people said in reply, really helps one to make a difficult decision a bit easier, or to feel more at ease about the situation at hand.Why are people getting dating advice and marriage counsel on yahoo answers?
Because it's free and I guess they'll take what they can get...plus sometimes it's nice to hear from others who are going through something similar to what you're going through, especially if it's hard for you to talk to people in your real life. Here you can be anonymous!
cause you have just normal people who will tell you the truth
and they have most likely been through a situation like it and
have pretty good advice, definitely alot cheaper than a professional
because there are a million people that read yahoo answers. many of which haev dated and expierence life..
please answer mineshttp://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Because where else can you have total strangers who don't even know enough to care about you tell you the obvious without fear of social or political repercussions? Oh, and they get points for it too!
Cause sometimes others experiences and ideas help you to know what to to. Not always, but sometimes.
its just cool to talk to ppl bout problems everyone has them and to talk to them about it is good, but u cant always talk to ur friends about certain things
It's cheaper than professional help and you get more opinions.
being anonymous is nice...a lot more objective. Get lots of points of view.
I'm gonna have to go with Bella o0n this one.
cause they have no life lol jkjkjk
cause its free
Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?
We are going to our second counseling session today. We've been married for 12 years and my wife never shows any interest in sex. I've gone insane and finally she's agreed to counseling. The first session went fairly well.... I was coached on YA to use words like we, us, intimacy, and closeness.... but i also had to be straight about the core issue which is ';i'm not gettin any';.
In the first session we established the ground rules and why we're there and we vented our initial views. What happens next???Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?
You guys are going to do a lot of talking - and listening - just be open to the listening part. I'm sure she has her side of the story and if you ever want to get any - you'll need to listen to it...I am so glad to hear you guys have gone to the rooms - at this point in time it couldn't hurt. Just remember that sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better. Your first 4 sessions or so are the getting to know you phase. The counselor is going to ask general questions and get to know you both and vice versa....you may not get too deep until a month or so down the road. Stick with it! It helped my marriage, my sister's, and many, many others....Hope it leads to you gettin some!Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?
I'm all for marriage counseling, but keep one thing in mind while going, you only get what you put into it, so if your wife doesn't have a positive attitude and is not open to change, then this may not be the answer your looking for. It appears that your main problem is her lack of interest in sex, I can't speak for all women, but I think that most of us will agree that intimacy and closeness is something that should come natural to your wife, their might be a million different reasons as to why she doesn't get intimate with you, but typically the main reason is due to boredom, so you may want to find ways to get her more interested in you as a person first, then see where it goes from their?
I think the process is that you will have a few sessions together, and then individual sessions. The therapist is going to touch on each issue per week, unless you make faster progress (God willing, for you!)
I had an issue like this... I explained that there is only one thing we will have only for US.... and that is intimacy. The kids can't have it, the dogs, the personal interests... but especially NOBODY outside the marriage. I think he got it through his head finally.
'; I'M not getting any? ';
Maybe that's the issue, what about what she wants? What is she getting? Do you do anything to make her desire you? Do you please her? Or is it all about you? That's how it seems... women don't like selfish lovers, I hate to tell you..
If marriage or sex is all about me me me, it's bound to fail.
Is your ONLY issue that u aren't getting any? You are spending all this money on couples counseling to get sex...if so, SHE is the one who may need counseling, or sex therapy or something. I really don't think even the WORST of husbands have to work THIS hard for sex...GEESH!!!
I just know that as manipulative as your wife sounds she has her strategy to look like the good one so I guess try to stay calm and maybe suggest she talk about why she is putting her husband through a sexless marriage when you take care of her other needs very well.
I don't know what happens but I am so happy she agreed to go with you Sparky, hopefully she gets some help and realizes part of real love is the intimacy as well and the marriage itself. Good luck buddy!
Listen to your wife. What she wants must be key. I've never seen you indicate what she wants so, you must not know. Pay close attention to what she says and let it sink in.
How to get some:
Be pleasant and helpful during the day
Go to bed clean and groomed
Give her a relaxing full body massage.
Don't get mad if it doesn't work in one day.
Give her a flower.
You're wife could also visit her doctor. She might need an extra dose of hormones. An idea.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoris
Stay with it. It will take time, don't give up. Good Luck.
Congratutations on getting some professional help. We all need outside help occasionally; and this is a good way to try to solve things in a mature way.
I would suggest you make a list and take it to the next session, so you can use your time wisely. Write down general ideas of things you would like to work on, things you think the relationship needs to improve on.Since you mention that you lack intimacy and sex with your wife, and you already brought that up, try to ask her how she feels and why she thinks she is not interested in sharing her body with you. But be careful...chooose your words and tone of voice well. Do not make her feel she has to defend herself...The idea is not to argue, but to reach an agreement.
Please remember that mens' and womens' brains are structured differently. Men's hormone levels are usually the same all the time; but women experience ups and downs because of our periods...This causes mood swings and we can be cranky at times. It's a fact of life so we have to accept it.
Another important thing is that men are usually able to have sex and get satisfaction anytime they want; but women are built differently. We need more time and more stimulation in order to achieve satisfaction...and unfortunately, many men are selfish and don't spend enough time thinking about their spouses; they just concentrate on their own pleasure.
Over time, if this becomes a pattern, the woman will stop feeling sexy and will actually start avoiding sex because she figures ';What the heck...I don't get anything out of it...!'; This is very common, and tricky, too, because nobody likes to hear they are not good lovers! Especially men!!!
So keep an open mind and be ready to listen when she talks.Good luck and be patient!
In the first session we established the ground rules and why we're there and we vented our initial views. What happens next???Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?
You guys are going to do a lot of talking - and listening - just be open to the listening part. I'm sure she has her side of the story and if you ever want to get any - you'll need to listen to it...I am so glad to hear you guys have gone to the rooms - at this point in time it couldn't hurt. Just remember that sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better. Your first 4 sessions or so are the getting to know you phase. The counselor is going to ask general questions and get to know you both and vice versa....you may not get too deep until a month or so down the road. Stick with it! It helped my marriage, my sister's, and many, many others....Hope it leads to you gettin some!Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?
I'm all for marriage counseling, but keep one thing in mind while going, you only get what you put into it, so if your wife doesn't have a positive attitude and is not open to change, then this may not be the answer your looking for. It appears that your main problem is her lack of interest in sex, I can't speak for all women, but I think that most of us will agree that intimacy and closeness is something that should come natural to your wife, their might be a million different reasons as to why she doesn't get intimate with you, but typically the main reason is due to boredom, so you may want to find ways to get her more interested in you as a person first, then see where it goes from their?
I think the process is that you will have a few sessions together, and then individual sessions. The therapist is going to touch on each issue per week, unless you make faster progress (God willing, for you!)
I had an issue like this... I explained that there is only one thing we will have only for US.... and that is intimacy. The kids can't have it, the dogs, the personal interests... but especially NOBODY outside the marriage. I think he got it through his head finally.
'; I'M not getting any? ';
Maybe that's the issue, what about what she wants? What is she getting? Do you do anything to make her desire you? Do you please her? Or is it all about you? That's how it seems... women don't like selfish lovers, I hate to tell you..
If marriage or sex is all about me me me, it's bound to fail.
Is your ONLY issue that u aren't getting any? You are spending all this money on couples counseling to get sex...if so, SHE is the one who may need counseling, or sex therapy or something. I really don't think even the WORST of husbands have to work THIS hard for sex...GEESH!!!
I just know that as manipulative as your wife sounds she has her strategy to look like the good one so I guess try to stay calm and maybe suggest she talk about why she is putting her husband through a sexless marriage when you take care of her other needs very well.
I don't know what happens but I am so happy she agreed to go with you Sparky, hopefully she gets some help and realizes part of real love is the intimacy as well and the marriage itself. Good luck buddy!
Listen to your wife. What she wants must be key. I've never seen you indicate what she wants so, you must not know. Pay close attention to what she says and let it sink in.
How to get some:
Be pleasant and helpful during the day
Go to bed clean and groomed
Give her a relaxing full body massage.
Don't get mad if it doesn't work in one day.
Give her a flower.
You're wife could also visit her doctor. She might need an extra dose of hormones. An idea.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoris
Stay with it. It will take time, don't give up. Good Luck.
Congratutations on getting some professional help. We all need outside help occasionally; and this is a good way to try to solve things in a mature way.
I would suggest you make a list and take it to the next session, so you can use your time wisely. Write down general ideas of things you would like to work on, things you think the relationship needs to improve on.Since you mention that you lack intimacy and sex with your wife, and you already brought that up, try to ask her how she feels and why she thinks she is not interested in sharing her body with you. But be careful...chooose your words and tone of voice well. Do not make her feel she has to defend herself...The idea is not to argue, but to reach an agreement.
Please remember that mens' and womens' brains are structured differently. Men's hormone levels are usually the same all the time; but women experience ups and downs because of our periods...This causes mood swings and we can be cranky at times. It's a fact of life so we have to accept it.
Another important thing is that men are usually able to have sex and get satisfaction anytime they want; but women are built differently. We need more time and more stimulation in order to achieve satisfaction...and unfortunately, many men are selfish and don't spend enough time thinking about their spouses; they just concentrate on their own pleasure.
Over time, if this becomes a pattern, the woman will stop feeling sexy and will actually start avoiding sex because she figures ';What the heck...I don't get anything out of it...!'; This is very common, and tricky, too, because nobody likes to hear they are not good lovers! Especially men!!!
So keep an open mind and be ready to listen when she talks.Good luck and be patient!
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