Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?

We are going to our second counseling session today. We've been married for 12 years and my wife never shows any interest in sex. I've gone insane and finally she's agreed to counseling. The first session went fairly well.... I was coached on YA to use words like we, us, intimacy, and closeness.... but i also had to be straight about the core issue which is ';i'm not gettin any';.





In the first session we established the ground rules and why we're there and we vented our initial views. What happens next???Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?
You guys are going to do a lot of talking - and listening - just be open to the listening part. I'm sure she has her side of the story and if you ever want to get any - you'll need to listen to it...I am so glad to hear you guys have gone to the rooms - at this point in time it couldn't hurt. Just remember that sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better. Your first 4 sessions or so are the getting to know you phase. The counselor is going to ask general questions and get to know you both and vice versa....you may not get too deep until a month or so down the road. Stick with it! It helped my marriage, my sister's, and many, many others....Hope it leads to you gettin some!Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?
I'm all for marriage counseling, but keep one thing in mind while going, you only get what you put into it, so if your wife doesn't have a positive attitude and is not open to change, then this may not be the answer your looking for. It appears that your main problem is her lack of interest in sex, I can't speak for all women, but I think that most of us will agree that intimacy and closeness is something that should come natural to your wife, their might be a million different reasons as to why she doesn't get intimate with you, but typically the main reason is due to boredom, so you may want to find ways to get her more interested in you as a person first, then see where it goes from their?
I think the process is that you will have a few sessions together, and then individual sessions. The therapist is going to touch on each issue per week, unless you make faster progress (God willing, for you!)





I had an issue like this... I explained that there is only one thing we will have only for US.... and that is intimacy. The kids can't have it, the dogs, the personal interests... but especially NOBODY outside the marriage. I think he got it through his head finally.






'; I'M not getting any? ';





Maybe that's the issue, what about what she wants? What is she getting? Do you do anything to make her desire you? Do you please her? Or is it all about you? That's how it seems... women don't like selfish lovers, I hate to tell you..





If marriage or sex is all about me me me, it's bound to fail.
Is your ONLY issue that u aren't getting any? You are spending all this money on couples counseling to get sex...if so, SHE is the one who may need counseling, or sex therapy or something. I really don't think even the WORST of husbands have to work THIS hard for sex...GEESH!!!
I just know that as manipulative as your wife sounds she has her strategy to look like the good one so I guess try to stay calm and maybe suggest she talk about why she is putting her husband through a sexless marriage when you take care of her other needs very well.
I don't know what happens but I am so happy she agreed to go with you Sparky, hopefully she gets some help and realizes part of real love is the intimacy as well and the marriage itself. Good luck buddy!
Listen to your wife. What she wants must be key. I've never seen you indicate what she wants so, you must not know. Pay close attention to what she says and let it sink in.
How to get some:


Be pleasant and helpful during the day


Go to bed clean and groomed


Give her a relaxing full body massage.


Don't get mad if it doesn't work in one day.


Give her a flower.
You're wife could also visit her doctor. She might need an extra dose of hormones. An idea.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoris
Stay with it. It will take time, don't give up. Good Luck.
Congratutations on getting some professional help. We all need outside help occasionally; and this is a good way to try to solve things in a mature way.





I would suggest you make a list and take it to the next session, so you can use your time wisely. Write down general ideas of things you would like to work on, things you think the relationship needs to improve on.Since you mention that you lack intimacy and sex with your wife, and you already brought that up, try to ask her how she feels and why she thinks she is not interested in sharing her body with you. But be careful...chooose your words and tone of voice well. Do not make her feel she has to defend herself...The idea is not to argue, but to reach an agreement.





Please remember that mens' and womens' brains are structured differently. Men's hormone levels are usually the same all the time; but women experience ups and downs because of our periods...This causes mood swings and we can be cranky at times. It's a fact of life so we have to accept it.





Another important thing is that men are usually able to have sex and get satisfaction anytime they want; but women are built differently. We need more time and more stimulation in order to achieve satisfaction...and unfortunately, many men are selfish and don't spend enough time thinking about their spouses; they just concentrate on their own pleasure.





Over time, if this becomes a pattern, the woman will stop feeling sexy and will actually start avoiding sex because she figures ';What the heck...I don't get anything out of it...!'; This is very common, and tricky, too, because nobody likes to hear they are not good lovers! Especially men!!!





So keep an open mind and be ready to listen when she talks.Good luck and be patient!