Heading to marriage counseling. Any advice?

My wife of 8 years and I are going to marriage counseling in about a week and a half. I recently discovered that she has been in contact with an ex-boyfriend on the computer and she went to see him behind my back. She told me that nothing happened and this was the only time that she has seen him since they broke up.





My trust in her is gone. It matters little that nothing happened. Just the fact that she could do this to me makes it impossible to trust her. I want to know if counseling can possibly help me to restore my trust in her. We have 2 young children and I can't leave them. I need to see my kids everyday or my life is worthless. Please help me.Heading to marriage counseling. Any advice?
Be open-minded and honest. Make sure your wife is completely honest or it will be a waste of time and money. Kudos to you for trying to keep your family together. If anything (like divorce) happens, try for at least 50/50% custody of the children. They deserve to be with their daddy who loves them so much. Good luck.Heading to marriage counseling. Any advice?
The focus should by why she is looking outside of the marriage. What is missing (in her mind) from the marriage and from you that keeps her seeking attention elsewhere. If she has things that she is honestly and realistically needing, you should be open to meeting those needs (unless you think you married a psychopath). Just go into it with an open mind, not to argue but to gain understanding into what is going on and has gone wrong in this marriage. Let your defensiveness go and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Just make sure you keep going to the counseling sessions even though they might be painful. The first three or four sessions will feel like a b*tch session, but they are necessary for the therapist to understand all the issues and for you guys to vent. After that you can start constructively working on the relationship.





Any marital problem can be overcome by counseling if both partners participate fully and stick with it.
There is no harm in going to counseling, but I think individual therapy may be in order as well. Your wife is a liar and needs to figure out why she thinks it is ok to be deceitful. When she says she doesn't want confrontation, it really means she doesn't want you to stop her from doing whatever the heck she wants and she doesn't want to deal with the consequences of her actions. You will never be able to trust her until she proves to you she can be honest. She needs to work harder if she wants to regain your trust.
WEll, I'm not sure why you think counseling is going to help your trust.


Talking openly and honestly can be done anywhere, if the two are willing!!!


If she's not willing, there's not a lot you can do.





Besides, has anything else happened to show you can't trust her???


If nothing else has happened, you need to let this go. She met an old bf. That's it. Maybe this is you, not her.





If more has happened, then you've definitely got problems in your mariage.
Don't mean to add fuel to the fire in your heart, but trust will never be restored. She didn't do ANYthing? I don't buy that either. She went to see her X..........I'd say that in itself is classified as SOMEthing .....Please be strong for you and your children. Best Wishes......





EDIT: Whooops, she lies as well. That definitely makes it difficult to believe anything she says. I DO hope the counselor is able to help her figure out what's rattling around in her head.
I think you may be overreacting a bit. If she really didn't do anything, there's nothing to worry about, except she should've told you she was meeting him.


Definitely try marriage counseling. I can't tell you it will help you or not, but more than likely it will.
try counsel and prayer.





before you get counseling. try to be open minded..
My husband just did exactly the same thing to me........maybe it was they who were together!!! Your story is disturbing to me because it is so familiar. We are in counseling also, and I am not doing well with the trust. I think it'd be much better if it wasn't the ex. I don't know about your situation, but he still denies it even to this day, I had to do my own detective work. And what I found has made it even worse. I wish he would have just told me himself. We have a daughter together, and it is for her that I am staying. But everyday I question whether it's the right thing to do. The lying is familiar to me also, as now that my eyes have been opened wide I see what I have been overlooking.





I don't really have a solution for you, I wish I knew what to do for myself. I just want you to know that you are not alone in this situation, because it has been a very lonely feeling for me.
My heart goes out to you man!! But no, counseling alone cant restore your trust in her. That's a small part to the equation. First your have to be able to forgive, and counseling should help you with that. And she has to be able to trusted. Every body makes mistakes, and you two took vows, for better and for worse, and right now this is the worse. Im sure you know this but marriage is a challenge, but just remember how you felt when you first said those vows, and walk into that counselors office with the mindset of ';I'm fighting for my marriage'; Go in there and put it all out there and fight for whats yours! You have 8 years invested (not saying you are) but don't just let it go.....try and find out why she felt the need to see him, maybe there is a communication problem....I don't know, but fight my man!!!